The stranded Riflemen might call him the new Lieutenant, and they might invest the word 'new' with all the scorn of old soldiers, but that was because they did not know their man. They thought of him as nothing more than a jumped-up sergeant, and they were wrong. He was a soldier, and his name was Richard Sharpe.
p. 31, Sharpe's Rifles. Bernard Cornwell
It was a neat column of words: WE'RE COMING, repeated sixty times.
"Well.....by itself, it doesn't exactly make one --"
"Norman. The signal came from a tenth of a light-year away. In English."
p. 2-3, The Coming. Joe Haldeman
And the reward for "Most Embarrassing Reason I'm at the Doctor's" is...
I lay down to sleep by the courtyard wall, leaving my face uncovered because of the heat. I did not know that there were sparrows in the wall above me; and their droppings fell, still warm, right into my eyes and produced white patches. I went to the doctors to be cured, but the more they treated me with their ointments, the more my eyes were blinded by the white patches, until I lost my sight.
From book two of Tobit (The New English Bible).